wow, work has sucked the two days i've been back since thanksgiving break. to make things worse, something in SAP broke and is making my night pretty miserable. so, while i wait for them to fix and reload data, i will blog.
i think i've hit quarter-life crisis a few years late. feeling a little bit like i'm wandering around in circles, or lost in the wilderness. 2007 has been a good year for different reasons, but is also leaving me in this cloud of confusion about where my life is headed. maybe i'm just waiting, in o's words, for God's lightning bolt - and who knows if He'll give me a one. i've been waiting for that thunderbolt regarding understanding the purpose of my whole knee situation, and it's taken me more than 2.5 years to finally let go of that and just be at peace with my situation and not constantly question God why. it's a good thing when i'm not crying myself to sleep every other night or in the car driving home from work or randomly in the middle of sunday schools & services, even if i still have knee issues.
but i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do with my life. some days i think maybe i'll re-take the GMATs (since mine expired) and apply to bschool. some days i think maybe i'll take the GREs and apply to get a masters in public administration (what i was thinking of doing for a while after i graudated from undergrad). some days i think i'll just find another job. some days i just want to say to hell with all of it and move away and start new somewhere else.
and finding a new home is not easy. i like something of one church, other things of another church, etc... but i'm still waiting to find home. what i need to figure out is where God is calling me. where's that freaking lightning bolt?! :)
too bad life's not always that easy. but if there's one thing i know, it's that God's taken me this far in life, and especially with the things that have happened this past year, and He will not abandon me now.
this soul-searching thing is probably a good thing for me.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
beautiful day
i went to the san jose city team on saturday as part of a beautiful day weekend. we basically talked and prayed for the people that were either there for the free clinic, part of city team's live-in program, or living in their shelter. we struck up a conversation with one guy who was forced to live in the shelter by his parole officer (or so he tells us). he basically told me:
1) i'm a fool
2) my boss is his parole officer's brother (you'll have to ask me for the context of that)
hahahaha. i don't know why, but i thought it was hilarious that i was told by a guy on parole that i'm a fool. he also gave olivia marital advice and told ted that he needed to meditate that night before he went to bed.
anyway, it's been a long time since i've done something like this, especially regularly - probably not since college, when i volunteered at harbor house and city team in oakland. i remember looking up opportunities when i first moved home, but couldn't find anything consistent that fit with my working hours. with my "break" coming up (though not soon enough) i'm really going to try to find something to get involved in the community again. i can't believe i wrote that post almost 5 years ago, and still have not found something. one of the fears of moving back home (or south bay in general) after college was that i would become too comfortable & complacent, and i've definitely been guilty of that. time to get off my butt!
oh. and cal sucks. i had already pretty much given hope on the season, but losing to washington... unbelievable. i don't know if we'll win the big game this year!
hard to believe november is almost over - it passed so quickly. thanksgiving, then christmas, and then QUITTING! i wish it would come faster, but hopefully december will fly by. praise the Lord for a short week this week! and i'm one of those anti-black friday people. everything i absolutely dislike about shopping, rolled up into one and amplified. i hate crowds. i hate looking for parking. i hate traffic. i hate shopping. i do have handicap parking still, so the one thing i may do is go to target in the afternoon like last year, when i ventured out only to buy cough drops because i was deathly ill. it wasn't that bad since most of the crazy people are done with their shopping before i even wake up.
and i ate out for every meal this weekend, starting with friday dinner. i feel gross. blech.
1) i'm a fool
2) my boss is his parole officer's brother (you'll have to ask me for the context of that)
hahahaha. i don't know why, but i thought it was hilarious that i was told by a guy on parole that i'm a fool. he also gave olivia marital advice and told ted that he needed to meditate that night before he went to bed.
anyway, it's been a long time since i've done something like this, especially regularly - probably not since college, when i volunteered at harbor house and city team in oakland. i remember looking up opportunities when i first moved home, but couldn't find anything consistent that fit with my working hours. with my "break" coming up (though not soon enough) i'm really going to try to find something to get involved in the community again. i can't believe i wrote that post almost 5 years ago, and still have not found something. one of the fears of moving back home (or south bay in general) after college was that i would become too comfortable & complacent, and i've definitely been guilty of that. time to get off my butt!
oh. and cal sucks. i had already pretty much given hope on the season, but losing to washington... unbelievable. i don't know if we'll win the big game this year!
hard to believe november is almost over - it passed so quickly. thanksgiving, then christmas, and then QUITTING! i wish it would come faster, but hopefully december will fly by. praise the Lord for a short week this week! and i'm one of those anti-black friday people. everything i absolutely dislike about shopping, rolled up into one and amplified. i hate crowds. i hate looking for parking. i hate traffic. i hate shopping. i do have handicap parking still, so the one thing i may do is go to target in the afternoon like last year, when i ventured out only to buy cough drops because i was deathly ill. it wasn't that bad since most of the crazy people are done with their shopping before i even wake up.
and i ate out for every meal this weekend, starting with friday dinner. i feel gross. blech.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
bad news bears
that was the most miserable game i've ever attended. not because cal lost, which did make it worse, but because of the merciless rain. and maybe also because of that annoying asian guy standing behind us and the usc band, both of who wouldn't shut up. at least the drunk guy next to us who kept knocking me over was entertaining. i think the usc band has two songs in their entire repertoire.
i got drenched to the bone, head-to-toe - wet jeans are the worst. when i got home, i couldn't even make it to my room before i started peeling off all the wet layers. before the game, we saw these people at strada wearing ski pants - i laughed at the idea of wearing ski pants to the game, but i don't think it's such a ridiculous idea anymore. i'm bringing my ski pants with me next time, take my word for it.
cal should have won that game - it's time to bench longshore. plus, i lost a bet, and a certain closet cal fan doesn't have to wear his cal hat for a week anymore. stinking cal!!
but at least the nice guy at cheeseboard pizza let us in even though they were already closed. and we got free parking thanks to my handicap placard.
took yesterday off ... this whole knee deal... makes me so jealous of things that i want to do but am unable to do :( i want to paintball, i want to jump on the trampoline, i want to play football, i want to ski and play in the snow, auuuuughhhh! i hate that i have to watch people do things that i want to do. is there such thing as a knee transplant? does someone want to donate a knee to me?
i got drenched to the bone, head-to-toe - wet jeans are the worst. when i got home, i couldn't even make it to my room before i started peeling off all the wet layers. before the game, we saw these people at strada wearing ski pants - i laughed at the idea of wearing ski pants to the game, but i don't think it's such a ridiculous idea anymore. i'm bringing my ski pants with me next time, take my word for it.
cal should have won that game - it's time to bench longshore. plus, i lost a bet, and a certain closet cal fan doesn't have to wear his cal hat for a week anymore. stinking cal!!
but at least the nice guy at cheeseboard pizza let us in even though they were already closed. and we got free parking thanks to my handicap placard.
took yesterday off ... this whole knee deal... makes me so jealous of things that i want to do but am unable to do :( i want to paintball, i want to jump on the trampoline, i want to play football, i want to ski and play in the snow, auuuuughhhh! i hate that i have to watch people do things that i want to do. is there such thing as a knee transplant? does someone want to donate a knee to me?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
death to the foam roller
owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
the foam roller has done good but it hurts like hell! and there's two areas on my knee/thigh/IT band where the solid masses of a knot just will not go away. you can literally hear a "kerplunk" when i roll over those knots.
i had a checkup with my orthopedic doctor. recovery is S.L.O.W. he is still very optimistic about my knee, and told me that revisions will always be much slower. he still has me limited to mono-plane activities, which basically means bike or the elliptical. 3 months out, and still no pivoting or side-to-side allowed. he doesn't even really want me to do squatting or stairs since it still bothers me so much. i've also learned that i need to re-learn how to walk, since i've been unconsciously favoring my left leg heavily the past 2.5 years.
in the past two weeks, i've also seen the dentist for the first time in five (!) years (and *almost* got away with no cavities, though my dentist did find a small one that didn't even show up on my xray) and gotten a lasik consultation. can you tell that i'm trying to clean up shop before i quit? :) i'm excited about getting custom lasik (or custom PRK - i actually may not qualify for lasik because of scarring on my cornea from my bottom eyelashes that were growing inward) for practically free. if you want lasik for free, you should do what i do! so awesome. :)
technically, my last day at work will be mar 3, since i have just enough vacation to carry me through that date, even though my last day in the office will be jan 11. i need to meet up with HR to confirm everything, but i'm pretty sure it'll work out. why take my vacation after my last day in the office instead of just getting paid out? 1) i accrue more vacation during that time, 2) i won't have to pay for COBRA during that time, 3) ESPP deposit happens feb 29, 4) gives me more time to get the lasik done, 5) extending to first work day in march supposedly gives me full benefits for the rest of the month. yes, as you can tell, i have thought through this very carefully. :)
cal-usc game today. too bad cal sucks :( i'm still rooting for my bears, but a lot of luster has been lost from this game. i'm just hoping we won't be watching in the rain. but at least i get to eat berkeley food! mmmmmmm. go bears.
the foam roller has done good but it hurts like hell! and there's two areas on my knee/thigh/IT band where the solid masses of a knot just will not go away. you can literally hear a "kerplunk" when i roll over those knots.
i had a checkup with my orthopedic doctor. recovery is S.L.O.W. he is still very optimistic about my knee, and told me that revisions will always be much slower. he still has me limited to mono-plane activities, which basically means bike or the elliptical. 3 months out, and still no pivoting or side-to-side allowed. he doesn't even really want me to do squatting or stairs since it still bothers me so much. i've also learned that i need to re-learn how to walk, since i've been unconsciously favoring my left leg heavily the past 2.5 years.
in the past two weeks, i've also seen the dentist for the first time in five (!) years (and *almost* got away with no cavities, though my dentist did find a small one that didn't even show up on my xray) and gotten a lasik consultation. can you tell that i'm trying to clean up shop before i quit? :) i'm excited about getting custom lasik (or custom PRK - i actually may not qualify for lasik because of scarring on my cornea from my bottom eyelashes that were growing inward) for practically free. if you want lasik for free, you should do what i do! so awesome. :)
technically, my last day at work will be mar 3, since i have just enough vacation to carry me through that date, even though my last day in the office will be jan 11. i need to meet up with HR to confirm everything, but i'm pretty sure it'll work out. why take my vacation after my last day in the office instead of just getting paid out? 1) i accrue more vacation during that time, 2) i won't have to pay for COBRA during that time, 3) ESPP deposit happens feb 29, 4) gives me more time to get the lasik done, 5) extending to first work day in march supposedly gives me full benefits for the rest of the month. yes, as you can tell, i have thought through this very carefully. :)
cal-usc game today. too bad cal sucks :( i'm still rooting for my bears, but a lot of luster has been lost from this game. i'm just hoping we won't be watching in the rain. but at least i get to eat berkeley food! mmmmmmm. go bears.
Friday, November 02, 2007
argh!
i really.
really.
really.
hate my job right now.
like... really.
january can't come soon enough. :(
so i am taking a break from work temporarily before i start breaking things out of anger, and will post pics from halloween.
remember this pic?
so jean & i decided to dress up for halloween. :)
jono decided to join in on the fun. :)
as we were on our way out to grab some food, the doorbell rang. it was some dad & kid trick-o-treating, both completely covered in masks and full costumers. turns out it was two creepy adult trick-o-treaters. the "kid" was on his knees - they managed to fool us for about 20 seconds. too bad i didn't get any pics, but the two creepy adults decided to join us for dinner.
we hit up trendy bean cafe after - we ordered two frozen yogurts at first, but after discovering how big they were when the owner was making the first one, we changed our order to one. he told us one was not enough for 6 people, so we told him we were already full, and we wanted just one. he kept trying to tell us we had to order two, and we kept insisting we wanted one. at the end, he actually told us it was restaurant policy that we had to order two. um... excuse me? we got one in the end, but i'm definitely not going back there. that may even warrant a yelp review from me.
don't forget - extra hour of sleep on sunday!
ok. back to crappy work. :(
really.
really.
hate my job right now.
like... really.
january can't come soon enough. :(
so i am taking a break from work temporarily before i start breaking things out of anger, and will post pics from halloween.
remember this pic?
so jean & i decided to dress up for halloween. :)
jono decided to join in on the fun. :)
as we were on our way out to grab some food, the doorbell rang. it was some dad & kid trick-o-treating, both completely covered in masks and full costumers. turns out it was two creepy adult trick-o-treaters. the "kid" was on his knees - they managed to fool us for about 20 seconds. too bad i didn't get any pics, but the two creepy adults decided to join us for dinner.
we hit up trendy bean cafe after - we ordered two frozen yogurts at first, but after discovering how big they were when the owner was making the first one, we changed our order to one. he told us one was not enough for 6 people, so we told him we were already full, and we wanted just one. he kept trying to tell us we had to order two, and we kept insisting we wanted one. at the end, he actually told us it was restaurant policy that we had to order two. um... excuse me? we got one in the end, but i'm definitely not going back there. that may even warrant a yelp review from me.
don't forget - extra hour of sleep on sunday!
ok. back to crappy work. :(