my body's hating it

besides being sick for over 2 weeks, i think i have some version of food poisoning. saturday night i had horrible stomach cramps and the big d (uh, TMI?) and last night, i started feeling really sick around 9. i tried to go to bed, but woke up around 1am. i was just sitting around, waiting for everything to come out because i knew it was going to. finally at 2am, i threw up everything - i at least made it to the toilet in time because i knew it was coming, but everything came out of my mouth so fast, it splashed into the toilet bowl... and then back out. my whole bathroom had vomit all over it. the last thing you want to do after throwing up is cleaning up your bathroom covered in vomit, but that is what i did. i woke up in the morning and thought i could make it to work, but i finally gave up at 3pm, canceled my PT appointment, and i'm now home. i have a mild fever, and my stomach is still not happy, despite only having juice & water the whole day (and throwing up my lunch & dinner yesterday). ugh.

europe or asia?

although sunday mid-afternoon naps are wonderful, i'm reaping the consequences now. i figured it was okay to nap since i knew i'd be working until midnight tonight, but it's past midnight and i'm not even an ounce sleepy. i had to skip the chris tomlin concert tonight because 1) had to work (thought i'd be done by saturday) and 2) i'm still sick, so i thought it was best i didn't go. totally bummed about it though - but i hope the concert was good for everyone who went.

i've been sick for over 2 weeks now, i don't know why this one's been lingering for so long.

i have to travel for work in march to train our sales team world-wide on a new system we're implementing. i was given the choice of europe (meaning UK and possibly some other countries) or asia (most likely taiwan, and possibly other countries). my boss will go to the other. which would you choose and why? (i already told my boss my preference, but wanted to see what people think.)

hallelujah!

for the first time in two years, i can squat and go up and down stairs without a searing, burning, sharp pain in the front of my knee! for the first time in two years, i don't have to grab on to the hand rail when going up and down stairs. it's such a feeling to not feel anything when doing these things. granted, i can't run up and down the stairs quite yet like every other normal person, but i'll eventually get there. i don't know if anyone else can truly appreciate how i feel about this without living and dealing with this day-in and day-out for so long. praise God!!

i'm not out of the woods yet, i don't have full flexion and am stuck at the same degree i've been stuck at for the past two years, the front of my knee is extremely tender to touch, i still have the same radiating pain in my knee when i fully extend and tighten my quad muscles (though i do have full extension) and i have a big lump where one of my scars is that is as bothersome post-surgery as it was before this surgery. i'm not sure how much of this is stuff i'm just going to have to deal with for the rest of my life due to the fact i've had four surgeries and scar tissue stuck in me for so long (i'm already telling myself that i'm going to have to deal with knee arthritis when i get older)... but that searing pain was the biggest thorn out of all of them, and it's gone! hooray!

crackers, anyone?

one of the benefits of throwing a bash at your place is that it forces you to clean like crazy. i finally cleaned my room, even though i was supposed to do it during my work shutdown. AND it forced us to replace the lightbulb on our front porch, though we may have used a lightbulb that's a *tad* too bright. but at least now visitors don't have to come to our house in the dark. hehe. :)

we also have a boatload of food and drinks - hot pockets (uh yeah, don't ask), maybe about 10 boxes of crackers, and every type of dip you can think of (hummus, guac, salsa, crab, seafood, two kinds of veggie, cheese, etc...) and a lot of alcohol that jenie & i won't consume. time to have some more tv viewing parties at our place!

speaking of tv viewing parties... prison break & heroes are back! i still haven't decided which to watch live, 24 or heroes. i have 45 minutes to decide...

and. i'm sick for the third time this season. how, how, how, how, HOW is that possible?? what a miserable winter.

i heart PAMF

i know i've said this many times before, but i cannot stress enough how much more pleasant it's been as a patient of palo alto medical foundation. 1000000000000x better than stanford. and 100000000000000000000000000x better than my first doctor. i've been treated like crap for so long. it's nice to have doctors who take the time to really check you out, make sure everything is okay, and doesn't dismiss issues you bring up as something i'm making up in my head. i could go on and on about this, and i probably will, but i want people to know not to just go to stanford because it has the stanfurd name attached to it. and cal is better anyway. :)

24 - no spoilers

i've refrained from posting anything about 24 since i know a bunch of people haven't had the chance to watch it yet (and mike already did the honors of spoiling for bob), but... wow. it started off with a bang, that's for sure.

i went to the gym yesterday to try the bike, and it was so freaking painful. my coworker was at the gym too and said i looked horrible. i wish i took a vicodin before i went. rehab is not fun. rehabbing four times is NOT FUN. it's so depressing to have to start all over four times. i wish i could have the surgery and be miraculously healed, no rehab required - i've amazingly (despite going through it once on my left knee and three times on my right knee already) forgotten how tough it is. i haven't started PT yet, but i'm a litte comforted knowing i have at least 60 sessions this year. PTL. i sure hope i don't need 60 sessions. :)

back at work

i'm back at work - it kinda sucks because it feels like practically everyone gets today off. plus it's freezing outside, but i have to wear a skirt b/c i can't get any work pants on over my knee. i took off all my dressings this morning... felt sooo good. but now that my knee isn't restricted in movement by the dressing, i can definitely feel it. i may actually have to pop in a vicodin before i go use the bike in the gym today. and i can definitely see that my doctor made at least one new hole in me. i'm going to have the ugliest knees on the face of the earth. i've lost count... i have maybe 8 or 9 scars on my right knee?

speaking of vicodin, i think i could make a small fortune from all the vicodin i have... i've got at least 150 pills of the stuff. for last year's surgery, i took one pill out of the entire prescription. this year, i've taken none so far. i didn't even want to pick up the prescription, but my dad went in to get the prescriptions they called in for me, so he ended up picking all of it up. maybe i could sell some in the black market to pay for my surgery ;) any takers?

i'm baa-aaack

i'm back home, resting, and in good shape. no nausea at all, praise the Lord. that's now three successful surgeries with no puking my guts out. 3 for 6, not bad.

-menlo park surgical hospital is seriously like a hotel. it's the smallest hospital i've ever seen - each patient gets their own room with their own bathroom & tv & dresser cabinet & more. and the room looks like a hotel room. i didn't see another patient there the entire time, it's that private for the patients. craziness.

-i've never actually walked into the operating room before. i was a little confused, the nurse came by and was like, ok follow me. i was like ummm... where are we going? so i follow him, and i walk right into the operating room and climbed right onto the operating table. that was quite unusual since usually you're rolled into the operating room. then again, the operating room was like 20 feet from my room.

-before the surgery, my doctor came in and went over all the details with me. basically told me he's not sure if this surgery will fix all my problems - today he was going to attack the scar tissue problem, but again, he had concern about lack of cartilege and his biggest concern was possible misplacement of my ACL, which would require a complete do-over of my first surgery.

-waking up from being under is always unpleasant for me. i hate being half conscious, or wanting to be fully awake, but phsyically unable to actually get myself awake. and i always get horrible chills from the anesthesia. karen + anesthesia just don't mix well.

-my doctor wanted to talk to me again, so i had to wait until he was done with his next patient. finally he came in, with very good news. he found a huge block of scar tissue that he analogized to a chunk of cement in a location that almost all doctors are not aware to clean out. he thinks that was causing all my pain & problems - and my cartilege looks good and the ACL placement looks okay. hooray! he came out with a much more optimistic view that this surgery will be successful than he went into the surgery with. sorry, no videos this time, just more pics.

-now i'm back at home with this ice machine, that to everyone's surprise at the hospital, out of four total previous surgeries on both my knees, i've never had one before. i'm supposed to run it for three days straight, but i can't really see myself lugging this ice thing to work with me, so we'll see.

many many thanks to everyone who came tonight, who are coming tomorrow, and keeping me company through season 6 premier of 24 on sunday, praying for me, calling me, bringing me food, etc! makes sitting on the couch not as lonesome.

one knee...

two years...

three orthopedic surgeons...

after friday, four surgeries...

this week was a little chaotic, after getting a call on monday from the hospital telling me they are actually in network. that sent me on a frenzy because i had set up my insurance and FSA and whatnot thinking they were out of network and i thought i would get stuck with thousands of dollars in my FSA that i wouldn't be able to use among other things. anyway, after calls and emails to our HR, more calls to the hospital, and calls to my insurance, the hospital people called me back after talking to the ceo of the hospital, the billing people, and my insurance they confirmed that they are out of network. but she said they would try to work with sucky west and negotiate down the cost so that i would be liable for less. i have to say, my experience so far with palo alto medical foundation & their hospital has been 100 times more pleasant than stanford. they really understand what patient care means. and i get to talk to actual people, not machines that i leave messages on every day for a week straight before ever getting called back.

please pray for my doctor. he's not the same doctor who did my last surgery, although i wonder if my stanford orthopedic doctor will notice that i never showed up again since i never told him or anyone at his office that i even got another opinion other than the one he sent me to. with my very first doctor, i flat out told him (or, er, his recepionist on the phone) that i was changing doctors. its so hard not to feel anger toward him, the crappy job he did on my knee in the first two surgeries, and his total & complete lack of concern of all the pain i had from the get go - and not only that, but to go as far as saying that there was nothing wrong with my knee and pretty much implied that he thought i was making up my problems.

please pray for my knee! and please pray against any frustration... two tough years of surgeries and playing doctor-go-round has made me pretty jaded against this whole process and surgeries and orthopedic surgeons in general. it's tough when you you've invested so much time into something - doctor visits, second opinions, third opinions, all these surgeries, countless PT visits, working out on my own after i used up all my PT to have a result of ...basically... nothing. for a control-freak like me, it's been quite a lesson from God, to realize this is something i have absolutely no control over. and i'm still learning how to trust completely in His timing and His healing. to fully understand that He is God, and I am not, that He is the Healer, and the doctors are not.

sigh. here i go again.

welcome, 2007

i can't believe my break from work is almost over... it's been a relaxing 10 days off!

highlights:
-holiday bowl. wow, cal surprised me - i was expecting the second-half season team to show up, but the first-half season team showed up. i loved the 0 net punt, that was too entertaining. i don't think i've ever seen one before.
-cleaning out my closet. my closet was such a mess, i finally made my way to ikea (i hate going to ikea, but going in the morning on a weekday made it more bearable) to get some closet organizers/drawers for pretty cheap (thanks to jono for the tip) and redid my entire closet. it's SO much better now, even though the dust made my allergies go beserk.
-prayer & praise sunday. i always enjoy them, and it's nice to not be on the worship team every once in a while to actually participate as part of the congregation.

these next few months will be tough, diving head-on back into work & quarter end (ugh), as well as another knee surgery in the middle of the month & more physical therapy (i may have the thickest patient chart ever at my phsyical therapy clinic). all of that in january, heading to a busy month in februrary at work as well, as it happens two different systems we are implementing/upgrading that i'm involved in will both be in the testing phase. and throw in a trip to SD for ben & bonita's wedding (and the umpteenth wedding i'm playing piano for), march will be the implementation of both systems, and highly probable travel for work to train users, and a trip to orange county for andy & esther's wedding (not pianist this time, but reception coordinator), april is back to quarter-end AND i may have to cover two coworkers who will be going on maternity leave, AND i'm in the wedding party for ev & jason's wedding. wow. 1/3 of my year right there!

things i'm looking forward to in 2007:
-HEALING OF MY KNEE. i'm ready to get back into rehab with my increased PT benefits. i still don't know how many thousands of dollars this surgery will cost me, but at least i didn't have to pay a cent for the first three surgeries. but above all, God is the Healer. not my doctors, not my pt, not myself, nor my rehab. i've placed my faith in the wrong hands all this time, in the hands of my multiple, unsuccesful doctors, thinking it's their hands that will heal me, instead of God's hands. a bonus is my new doctor is a christian. :)
-going on a missions trip that has been eluding me over the past years. i'm not sure what trips canaan has planned for the year, but i would love to go back to china. hopefully with a fully healed knee (hehe) i won't be hampered by physical issues. the other issue is timing of when i can take vacation at work, which leads me to...
-i'll just leave it at a possible change of scenery. if i need another surgery after this one, it'll cement a definite change in scenery, as i will need to find a health insurance that actually covers the hospital my new doctor performs surgery at. i'm not forking over money for two surgeries (again, shouldn't be that hard, just find a company that uses any major health insurance company you've heard of, instead of stinky great west).

Should be an exciting year...

happy 2007!