one knee...

two years...

three orthopedic surgeons...

after friday, four surgeries...

this week was a little chaotic, after getting a call on monday from the hospital telling me they are actually in network. that sent me on a frenzy because i had set up my insurance and FSA and whatnot thinking they were out of network and i thought i would get stuck with thousands of dollars in my FSA that i wouldn't be able to use among other things. anyway, after calls and emails to our HR, more calls to the hospital, and calls to my insurance, the hospital people called me back after talking to the ceo of the hospital, the billing people, and my insurance they confirmed that they are out of network. but she said they would try to work with sucky west and negotiate down the cost so that i would be liable for less. i have to say, my experience so far with palo alto medical foundation & their hospital has been 100 times more pleasant than stanford. they really understand what patient care means. and i get to talk to actual people, not machines that i leave messages on every day for a week straight before ever getting called back.

please pray for my doctor. he's not the same doctor who did my last surgery, although i wonder if my stanford orthopedic doctor will notice that i never showed up again since i never told him or anyone at his office that i even got another opinion other than the one he sent me to. with my very first doctor, i flat out told him (or, er, his recepionist on the phone) that i was changing doctors. its so hard not to feel anger toward him, the crappy job he did on my knee in the first two surgeries, and his total & complete lack of concern of all the pain i had from the get go - and not only that, but to go as far as saying that there was nothing wrong with my knee and pretty much implied that he thought i was making up my problems.

please pray for my knee! and please pray against any frustration... two tough years of surgeries and playing doctor-go-round has made me pretty jaded against this whole process and surgeries and orthopedic surgeons in general. it's tough when you you've invested so much time into something - doctor visits, second opinions, third opinions, all these surgeries, countless PT visits, working out on my own after i used up all my PT to have a result of ...basically... nothing. for a control-freak like me, it's been quite a lesson from God, to realize this is something i have absolutely no control over. and i'm still learning how to trust completely in His timing and His healing. to fully understand that He is God, and I am not, that He is the Healer, and the doctors are not.

sigh. here i go again.