soul-searching

wow, work has sucked the two days i've been back since thanksgiving break. to make things worse, something in SAP broke and is making my night pretty miserable. so, while i wait for them to fix and reload data, i will blog.

i think i've hit quarter-life crisis a few years late. feeling a little bit like i'm wandering around in circles, or lost in the wilderness. 2007 has been a good year for different reasons, but is also leaving me in this cloud of confusion about where my life is headed. maybe i'm just waiting, in o's words, for God's lightning bolt - and who knows if He'll give me a one. i've been waiting for that thunderbolt regarding understanding the purpose of my whole knee situation, and it's taken me more than 2.5 years to finally let go of that and just be at peace with my situation and not constantly question God why. it's a good thing when i'm not crying myself to sleep every other night or in the car driving home from work or randomly in the middle of sunday schools & services, even if i still have knee issues.

but i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do with my life. some days i think maybe i'll re-take the GMATs (since mine expired) and apply to bschool. some days i think maybe i'll take the GREs and apply to get a masters in public administration (what i was thinking of doing for a while after i graudated from undergrad). some days i think i'll just find another job. some days i just want to say to hell with all of it and move away and start new somewhere else.

and finding a new home is not easy. i like something of one church, other things of another church, etc... but i'm still waiting to find home. what i need to figure out is where God is calling me. where's that freaking lightning bolt?! :)

too bad life's not always that easy. but if there's one thing i know, it's that God's taken me this far in life, and especially with the things that have happened this past year, and He will not abandon me now.

this soul-searching thing is probably a good thing for me.