i want my life back!!

i know it's only been a week post-op, but i'm so tired & frustrated.

i'm tired of sitting on the couch all day long every day, i'm tired of waking up in the morning because of the pain in my knee, i'm tired of my knee looking like it suffered through a violent domestic abuse beating, i'm tired of being in constant pain, i'm tired of being stuck in the house, i'm tired of having all these machines strapped to me all day, i'm tired of being immobile, i'm tired of making messes i cannot clean up, i'm tired of major back aches from being in the same position all day, i'm tired of feeling like a gallon of blood rushes to my knee every time i stand up, i'm tired of knee surgeries!

i want to walk. i want to jump. i want to run. i want to drive. i want to be independent. i want to be able to help jenie clean our house. i want to not be bruised all over my body. i want to exercise. i want to get out of the house. i want freedom.

i want to be able to go to joseph & lily's wedding/berkeley and our high school reunion on saturday. instead, i'm, what else, stuck on the couch in my house, strapped to machines, by myself, while everyone else can go out and celebrate and have fun.

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

and i'm mad as hell at my first doctor who screwed me over and made my life miserable for these last 2.5 years.

i feel like an ungrateful brat because everyone's been sooo good to me. i can't believe i have five more weeks of this. sigh.